Borderline Personality Traits
Management and Resources
At home
There are several behavioral strategies that can be helpful to manage some of the symptoms associated with borderline personality disorder. These include meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, and movement. In addition, therapy can often offer many helpful strategies for optimizing our interactions with people we care about, such as our family members, partners, and friends.
Meditation
The practice of meditation has been around for thousands of years. What was first a way for individuals to find spiritual connection is now widely used as a means of reducing stress and anxiety. Meditation, and specifically mindfulness meditation, involves setting aside time during the day to focus on the present, rather than the worries and thoughts that may be distracting from the here and now.
Mindfulness meditation involves centering one's thoughts on the present moment: physical sensations, an object, or a sound. Our thoughts naturally wander. When this happens during meditation, it's not a problem; practice non-judgmentally "noticing" the wandering thoughts and return back to the present moment.
Meditation can also help us remain balanced in moments of distress or frustration. Through meditation, we can learn to mindfully observe our emotions and thoughtfully consider the perspectives of other people; this can make it easier for us to respond in ways that may be most helpful for ourselves and the present situation.
Progressive muscle relaxation
Sometimes people with anxiety have trouble sleeping at night, worrying about specific problems or feelings of overwhelm about their daily life. Progressive muscle relaxation is a proven technique that many psychologists incorporate into their treatment because it helps individuals relax enough to be able to fall asleep. It is a straightforward exercise, and does not require any equipment.
An example of a guided progressive muscle relaxation exercise:
*As you lie in your bed, think about your toes and your feet, and then tighten them briefly. You can tighten to a count of three or you can use your own judgment on how long to tighten--but not more than a minute! Then, let all the energy flow out of your toes and feet so they are loose. Move to the ankles, and in your mind, order your ankle muscles to tighten up so you can feel it, no more than a few seconds. Then again, let the tension flow out of your ankles, and imagine that the tension moves out of you like water flowing out a gentle stream. *
Continue this exercise with all of the other muscle groups in your body; systematically tightening then releasing your lower legs, thighs, buttocks and pelvis, lower back, upper back, hands, upper arms, shoulders, and facial muscles.
You will also find that this exercise helps to bring you back to stability when you are overwhelmingly angry or enraged.
Movement
Research shows that 30 minutes of walking per day can decrease anxiety. The proven benefits of exercise are vast. Our bodies need movement, sunshine, and non-processed foods (especially vegetables and fruits) in order for them to properly function. Starting a daily routine of walking, even if just around the block, can be a great complement to one's treatment plan, and can even be social if bringing a friend along.
Incorporating a new routine into our day can be difficult
When first starting out, start small! Identify a movement goal that feels manageable in daily life. Consider setting "SMART" Goals. In choosing a SMART goal, we want to identify a goal that is Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-based. This system for goal creation helps set us up for success and minimizes barriers to feeling accomplished
At work
The workplace can be an anxiety provoking environment for many of us. When at work, it can be helpful to keep a few tips in mind:
Being realistic: When setting or agreeing to goals, it can help to speak up early on if one is unsure whether it will be possible to accomplish the task. Ask for help when needed. People with BPD sometimes find it difficult to feel confident in themselves, but trying new tasks can be a humbling experience for anyone!
Being kind to oneself and giving oneself a chance to perform a task before buying into the thought that they will fail can be helpful. A person may find that they have a knack for some of the jobs they are assigned.
Staying organized & prioritizing. When tasks seem to pile on, it can seem impossible to accomplish everything. Keeping our physical space organized can help our mental space to feel less overwhelming. Individuals might try keeping their desk clean with an easily visible to-do list. Taking on one task at a time - by prioritizing items on their to-do list and breaking them up into more manageable chunks, individuals can relieve some of the overwhelm that adds to anxiety.
Setting boundaries: As workplaces move remote, and work email is right in our pockets, it is increasingly difficult to set clear parameters around our time. However, it is important to carve out specific time that is for oneself, for their family/friends, and for work. Let others know that you will not be responding to emails or chats outside of work hours. Being the first on the team to set boundaries like this can be scary, but others will likely join in when others on the team begin to set these kinds of boundaries.
Pausing to rejoice about small wins as much as one would anguish about their failures. Training our brain to spend as much time thinking about what went right can help achieve a more balanced focus.
Giving oneself grace: Simply keeping in mind that a break might be needed every so often is helpful. Or, reminding oneself that everyone makes mistakes, and goes through rough patches at some point or another. Remember that productivity requires an individual to feel energized, and these breaks and moments of self-forgiveness are necessary.
At school
The classroom can be an anxiety provoking environment for many of us. When at school, it’s often helpful to keep a few tips in mind:
Many school systems offer student counseling services. Given the abundance of stress related to exams and school performance, it is common for students to feel overwhelmed, anxious, and in need of support.
Many students may find it helpful to reach out to student services to obtain accommodations and/or support to help them succeed. If appropriate, therapists and/or medication providers can write letters to help put students into touch with these resources.
Being realistic: Sometimes completing certain tasks before a particular deadline can be difficult. Asking for help can be hard, but teachers are there to support their students! It can be helpful to talk to them ahead of time if an assignment or exam feels unmanageable. Asking for help from teachers, their assistants or professors when needed can go a long way towards minimizing overwhelm.
Staying organized & prioritizing. When projects and assignments seem to pile on, it can feel stressful and difficult to complete everything on time. Keeping our physical space (like our desk) clean can help our mental space to feel less overwhelming. Additionally, making a to-do list and breaking down tasks into smaller, more manageable pieces can help us feel less daunted and overwhelmed when initiating a task. Keeping one's desk clean, with an easily-visible to-do list -- and prioritizing that list can often relieve the overwhelm that adds to anxiety.
In relationships
BPD can have an impact on relationships in many ways. Although we would all prefer that those close to us "just know us" and could easily tell what we are thinking and feeling, oftentimes this is not the case. Therefore, when we express certain emotions, others may have a difficult time understanding our perspective. Using the DBT skills of interpersonal effectiveness can help us communicate our thoughts and feelings to others so that they might better understand us and help us get our needs met.
Opening up about the experience of having BPD can help bridge the gap in understanding -- although, sharing challenges is not always easy. An individual may feel like they are burdening others with their thoughts or anxieties, but this may not be the case. Sometimes being open during these struggles can fortify relationships.
Borderline personality disorder can cause impaired self esteem, which can challenge relationships. Individuals with BPD may find themselves needing reassurance or outside validation during these episodes, and desiring very frequent positive statements from their friends or partner. Friends may feel, on their end, that they have expressed that they care for the individual with PBD, and may have a hard time understanding why their message is not getting across.
It can help if family members and friends learn to help the individual with BPD validate their own feelings. Sometimes BPD is associated with intense emotional experiences that can feel overwhelming, and be difficult to mentally organize. If another person learns to summarize to them what they are or may be feeling, such as feeling insecure, or feeling unloved, this can help considerably.
Family/friends can make such assumptions based on the person with BPD's behavior and what they have said. If they are wrong, the person with PBD can tell them so, in a calm way. The other person need not agree with how the individual with BPD feels or thinks but it helps when they can interpret the individual's emotions based on their behavior.
By validating what they see, assuming the friend or family member person is correct, it is somewhat like holding an emotional mirror up to the person with BPD's face. It can also be useful for the person with BPD to try validating what others think and feel. This will often surprise others, but most will appreciate the effort, and can help to build the skill for the individual with BPD.
Organizations
American Psychological Association
National Institute of Mental Health - Borderline Personality Disorder